First Impressions: What You Don't Know About How Others See You
Ann Demarais Ph.D. (Author), Valerie White Ph.D. (Author)
Paperback: 256 pages
1 edition (Mar 29 2005)
ISBN-13: 9780553382013
From Publishers Weekly
The authors, both psychologists, run a New York–based business that coaches professionals on how they present themselves in business contexts and singles on how they appear during staged dates. In breezy helpful style, this book helps readers identify gaps between self-perception and actual effect. The secret to a good first impression, the authors argue, is "social generosity," carefully helping others feel good about themselves, whether through "appreciation," "connection," "elevation" (good spirits) or "enlightenment" (new information).
Each chapter covers one of "Seven Fundamentals of a First Impression" (including the need for self-disclosure and for fluency in conversational dynamics); each ends with a checklist of "positive topic behaviors" and "common miscommunications" (e.g., if you focus on one topic, you may think you're passionate but you come off as self-absorbed). While some insights are basic (eye contact as an indication of interest), the authors thoroughly dissect interactions that are eminently flubbable. For example, the most common violation of "talking with" is "talking at," which can include lecturing, storytelling, sermonizing and telling jokes.
The insights presented here are based not just on the authors' experience as consultants but also on the psychological literature: getting in sync with a partner, the research shows, requires coordinated smiling, gesturing and a mutual
This highly practical book ends with suggestions on how to tweak your style, including asking friends for feedback and consciously charting behaviors. To their credit, the authors remind newly enlightened readers of the importance of cutting others slack: somewhat annoying behavior may stem from good intentions.
From School Library Journal
Adult/High School–From friendships to business relationships, first impressions can have a huge personal, emotional, and financial impact on one's life. This book is a review of the scientific literature on how one is perceived by others during the first few minutes of social interaction. The authors summarize the current literature and place it into charts, allowing readers to easily determine the most appropriate strategy for making a good first impression. The material is interesting and flows well. The book is content rich with information that could be used daily by teens as they begin to establish mature personal and professional relationships.–John Kiefman, Fairfax County Public Library, VA
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